Cheesy Cheesy CHEEEESEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Give me cheese
Hold the milk,
only cheese and ice creamy
frozen make it scream for joy.
I want the string cheese fiasco
and loads of tabasco.
SO much fun to eat the yellow
but afterwards I need a nap,
and then sleep and be so mellow.
On second thought,

maybe I shouldn’t…
eat all this dairy,
Cuz now my tum tum is
feeling rather scary.
Not to mention

very, very hairy.

RF

Okay so as you can tell I love cheese. I made a poem about cheese.
I grew up on cheese.

There were many holidays growing up, where I would have to grate lbs and lbs of cheddar, monterey jack, colby, swiss etc etc for the family to devour before we would then go and sit down and eat twelve lbs of prime rib. Our holiday family dinners were and still are the best memories for me. Most of the time it revolved around some sort of dairy. (Pizza, ice cream, cheese trays.)

Side note: dairy does bind us together if we eat too much of it (LOL).

In all seriousness though, it doesn’t matter what food you eat with your family. It’s the memories, the smells, the laughter that are meaningful and that we will remember even when we are old and gray.

I think there are many people out there who have had similar stories about cheese. If you enjoy cheese families as much as me, let me know, maybe we can collaborate on a cheese tray for that next party that we attend with each other’s families.

Cheers… I mean cheese,

Rex Felixx

Spooky Season

It’s October again, and that means spooky season is upon us. I love this season of fun and pumpkins and candy and scares and corn mazes and… I can go on and on and on.

I feel like bats are given a bad wrap though. They have always been weird looking but that doesn’t mean they are creepy people. I mean Fruit bats are a cool band and actual fruit bats like to eat fruit and are cute. They have cute big ears and weird shaped noses… On the other hand Dracula loved bats, vampire bats drink blood and I would get scared of them if they were in my bedroom. There was that one office episode where the bat got into the office and every panicked. Meredith had to get a rabies shot. So ya, I guess that makes sense to be afraid of them. Okay come to think of it, maybe bats don’t get a bad wrap, I think bats are very scary. Be careful of all the bats this October, you don’t want them to come after you and suck your blood. If you see a bat in the sky run away! ! Be careful out there this upcoming Halloween day.

Cheers,

Rex Felixx

Sourssssssss

There was a time when I was a younger person (aka as a child), and i went to the candy store down the street from our house. Inside this candy store they had penny candy. Now for all you young people, penny candy was a real thing. You could go into a store and buy one piece of candy for the cost of a penny, not a dollar, but a penny. Those were the best days. Anyways, this candy store had everything from Swedish fish, to jawbreakers. On the right hand corner of the shelf was a new type of candy called Warheads. They were a tiny candy in the shape of a circle individually wrapped for your enjoyment. (my mouth is watering thinking about it.) I had no idea at the time that these candies were the most deadliest, sour thing I have ever eaten in my life. I decided to buy 10 of them.

If you have ever had a warhead, you know that they are very sour and can cause pain to your taste buds. Sadly, I was nine years old and not smart.

Now I had about 10 of these warheads in my hands and I thought “Hmm geez whiz, this sounds fun to eat all of these warheads at once and enjoy them all together not individually.” (Again, I am nine, and not very bright.) In the mouth they went. Blue, red, yellow, green, all the colors of the rainbow into that hole in my face. Now, I have been hit by a car and broke my leg, I kind of knew what pain was. It was about 3 seconds later that I realized what “real” pain was. My mouth twisted and shriveled in many many different directions due to the intense flavors of this sugary candy. In an instant my eyes were watered, and my gums of my teeth were on fire from the Warheads. Luckily I was alone by myself at the park so no one could see me crying. I mean if you cried at nine years old, you were considered a baby.

But I learned two valuable lessons that day. Never ever eat ten warheads at a time and also never open a candy store selling penny candies. You will never make a profit and survive. The store shut down a few years after the warhead incident, most likely due to kids complaining that their taste buds exploded, not because the store made no profits. My taste buds got burned off that day and I don’t think I have ever recovered. Actually, now that I think of it, I haven’t been able to taste certain foods. I wonder if being nine years old ruined my whole adult tasting career. I will never be a professional food taster anymore. My dreams are shattered… Oh well on that note, time to go get some fun dip and pixie sticks to finish of this work week.

Cheers,

Rex Felixx

P.S. my mouth is still watering from the sours

Milkkkkkkkkkkkkkk...

Got milk?

Those commercials from the 90’s were awesome. I remember the one where the guy was in a hospital bed with a full body cast and he saw a pile of cookies placed on table next to him. He ended up eating the whole plate of cookies but had no milk. I think he ended up choking on the cookies and then went to heaven. Seriously, youtube it. It’s a crazy commercial probably banned in 15 countries. I mean even as a kid watching it, i’m thinking to myself, “Can they show this on tv?” The nineties were a whole different world.

Now where was I? Oh yes, milk is the best! It is so much better than drinking water or drinking butter. I literally could drink it all day if I couId. I have never tried the drinking a gallon of milk challenge, but I think I could do it. If I had a whole box of Oreos to go alongside it. Nothing is better than oreos and milk. I mean nothing at all.

NOTHING!

Well on that note, I think I made myself thirsty. I guess it’s time I go down and grab a tall glass of whole milk.

Now. don’t look at me weird because I drink whole milk. It’s the perfection in a glass.

Before I go, I’ll leave you with some words of wisdom from the coolest milk drinker ever.

“ I see you're drinking 1%. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? 'Cause you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.” - Napoleon Dynamite

Cheers,

Rex Felixx

Lettuce be...

Lettuce, lettuce

isn’t good.

Salad is awful

I hope that’s understood.

Give me bacon,

give me jam,

or even a holiday pickled ham.

As long as it’s not

green,

leafy ,

nasty,

you know what I mean.

I will never be happy.

I will never be free.

Whenever I am eating that

green green machine.

Okay so, lettuce isn’t that good.

Don’t even say chopped salad is where it’s at, because it isn’t.

Thanks for listening to this rant.

Cheers,

Rex Felixx.

P.S. Sorry we can’t be friends, Mr. Lettuce.

P.P.S I do enjoy lettuce on the following: hamburgers, tacos, taco pizza, wraps, subs, souvlaki, gyros, open gyros, nachos, among probably other things.

It's okay bro.

I love onions but they don’t love me.

Whenever I am shopping at the store, I go to the onions and say “hello there Mr. Onion, would you want to come with me to your forever home?”

The onions never respond , but I end up taking them and bringing them home anyways.

Onions are the silent type, they won’t talk to me or even joke around.

They are ungrateful, I give them shelter, a place to live and to grow in my cupboards. I clean them and let them watch “Real Housewives of Omaha” every Tuesday night. (even though they are much too young) I don’t think they appreciate the love and care I give to them.

One day I was getting ready to make some homemade Blooming Onions and needed to use one of my precious onion friends. So I asked if it would be okay to use their help for a little bit.

No response. ( I figured they were being moody)

I asked again.

Sadly, no response again.

I figured it was okay, being that we were besties. I started to give the onions little trim and then that onion lost it. He went crazy!!!!

He started bullying me so much, that I started to cry.

Not just cry, but I balled my eyes out over his words.

I just ignored it and kept creating my favorite appetizer dish.

Tears kept running down my face from the hurtful words he spoke to me.

20 mins later the tears stopped and I had a glorious blooming onion dish

to show all the other onions.

Sad to say they weren’t impressed, they didn’t even give me a high five or a handshake for my accomplishment.

I think next time, I am going to think twice before I let these ungrateful onions come back into my home.

No more tears, just cheers,

Rex Felixx

P.S. blooming onions are better than onion petals.

Dance! Dance!

Ok so these winter blues have gotten me a little… well blue. The monotony of each day can really feel like a grind.

Punching in,

Punching out,

Below freezing temperatures for a month straight.

The sun sets at like noon. ok 4:30 EST.

Well I have a great idea!

After your work day is over

go to your laptop, tv, radio, bluetooth speaker etc. and put on you favorite dance song

and “ Get Jiggy Wit It!'“ Seriously belt out your favorite song and go crazy dancing. Dance like no one is watching. I mean literally no one should be watching you in your home. (unless you live in a glass house , or George Mcfly is creeping in your window.)

Anyways, we still have weeks of winter, instead of being bored and tired and groggy and angry that the weather isn’t changing, go have some fun!

I need some songs to dance to, so send me songs that are your favorite.

Cheers,

Rex Felixx

I have more corn...

I love corn and corn loves me,

nothing I want more in life

than eating corn under the old oak tree.

However there are some people who don’t eat corn. I mean, I’m not judging, but rather I am disappointed in myself for not explaining the importance of corn. Well, today is your lucky day to realize corn’s potential.

1. Corn tastes good.

2. Corn grows on a farm.

3. Corn is corny.

4. Buttered corn on the cob is great.

5. Popcorn is corn.

6. Okay that’s all the time I have today.

   Remember kids, eat corn all day everyday, and never let your parents lead you astray.

Cheers to Corn,

Rex Felixx

P.S. Margarine is the worst thing in life. I’d bet it’s worse than boiled hotdog water on a warm New Jersey summer day.

P.P.S. If you have a different opinion, let me know…. I’m all ears.

Hi I'm hungry

Bacon and burgers,

Ice cream and frosted flakes desires.

I need it now

I crave it now…

I love food and could literally eat food all day long. It doesn’t matter what it is. Does anybody else eat all the time? Pizza and wings run my life. Hot, medium, mild, plain (not plain I’m not a weirdo) bbq, it doesn’t matter. Living in Buffalo NY we have some of the greatest food ever made. I mean we have to be good at something, since we have to live with about 300 days of winter and 150 days of rain. That gives us all the time to pack on the winter pounds. Haha but seriously back to thefood…

I can eat steak,

chicken,

fried onion rings,

cool whip on top of banana fosters please.

Alright sorry my mind is wandering and I can’t seem to concentrate. I need a frosty and a large fry stat. If anyone is nearby, I’ll be waiting for a text saying my food has arrived.

Peace out,

Rex Felixx

P.S.

Seriously though, I’m waiting by my phone

please send food and extra napkins.

P.S.S

Still here.. Hi… no texts yet…

Pears and icy floats,

are somethings I love most.

Spicy meatballs, Olive garden Breadsticks

and cream cheese with burnt toast.