Cheesy Cheesy CHEEEESEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Give me cheese
Hold the milk,
only cheese and ice creamy
frozen make it scream for joy.
I want the string cheese fiasco
and loads of tabasco.
SO much fun to eat the yellow
but afterwards I need a nap,
and then sleep and be so mellow.
On second thought,

maybe I shouldn’t…
eat all this dairy,
Cuz now my tum tum is
feeling rather scary.
Not to mention

very, very hairy.

RF

Okay so as you can tell I love cheese. I made a poem about cheese.
I grew up on cheese.

There were many holidays growing up, where I would have to grate lbs and lbs of cheddar, monterey jack, colby, swiss etc etc for the family to devour before we would then go and sit down and eat twelve lbs of prime rib. Our holiday family dinners were and still are the best memories for me. Most of the time it revolved around some sort of dairy. (Pizza, ice cream, cheese trays.)

Side note: dairy does bind us together if we eat too much of it (LOL).

In all seriousness though, it doesn’t matter what food you eat with your family. It’s the memories, the smells, the laughter that are meaningful and that we will remember even when we are old and gray.

I think there are many people out there who have had similar stories about cheese. If you enjoy cheese families as much as me, let me know, maybe we can collaborate on a cheese tray for that next party that we attend with each other’s families.

Cheers… I mean cheese,

Rex Felixx

Food Season

November marks the beginning of the best food season of the year. We have turkey on Thanksgiving, rib roast for Christmas, and all the sugary goodies to go along with it. I think the most lonely food of the season are the candied yams.

A long, long time ago, when I was working at Disney World we had a friendsgiving party. All our coworkers wanted to put together a fun shin dig and everyone brought a side dish. Some people grabbed paper plates and napkins (boring), others brought stuffing. I decided I would bring a magnificent dish called candied yams. When I announced it to the group they all looked at me oddly and said “umm cool, that sounds okay.”

I worked in the kitchen all day cutting and chopping the yams. I even talked to the yams to make sure they felt welcome. After about 8 hours they were ready to be consumed. I swiftly wrapped them up to preserve the heat and scurried over to the party. I was expected to be welcomed with open arms and heralded as the king of the party. Alas, I show up and no one was there to grab the glorious dish from my hands.

I asked Craw (my future wife) “I made the yams, where can I place them?”

She then stated “ Ummm.. just put them on the stove over there.”

“Alrighty put them over there, away from all the other cool side dishes. I just hope people will eat them.”

“Oh yeah, we are excited to eat the yams.” Craw said with a smirk on her face.

Well let’s just say no one ate the yams. After about three hours of hanging out, no one ate the yams.

All of my hard work didn’t pay off. They lonely yams sat there staring at all the side dishes. The stuffing and cranberries weren’t neglected.The turkey was a hit dish (I haven’t the slightest reason why). However, my exquisite dish was banished away from the party and eventually travelled into the trash can.

Yams are the most lonely food of the season. No one will eat them ever. Moral of the story, don’t make any extravagant side dishes for parties. They won’t ever get eaten. Be the person who brings paper plates. I’m kidding, just don’t create candied yams for people who can’t appreciate the wonders of that side dish.

Cheers,

Rex Felixx

P.S. I yam what I yam.

Spooky Season

It’s October again, and that means spooky season is upon us. I love this season of fun and pumpkins and candy and scares and corn mazes and… I can go on and on and on.

I feel like bats are given a bad wrap though. They have always been weird looking but that doesn’t mean they are creepy people. I mean Fruit bats are a cool band and actual fruit bats like to eat fruit and are cute. They have cute big ears and weird shaped noses… On the other hand Dracula loved bats, vampire bats drink blood and I would get scared of them if they were in my bedroom. There was that one office episode where the bat got into the office and every panicked. Meredith had to get a rabies shot. So ya, I guess that makes sense to be afraid of them. Okay come to think of it, maybe bats don’t get a bad wrap, I think bats are very scary. Be careful of all the bats this October, you don’t want them to come after you and suck your blood. If you see a bat in the sky run away! ! Be careful out there this upcoming Halloween day.

Cheers,

Rex Felixx

Milkkkkkkkkkkkkkk...

Got milk?

Those commercials from the 90’s were awesome. I remember the one where the guy was in a hospital bed with a full body cast and he saw a pile of cookies placed on table next to him. He ended up eating the whole plate of cookies but had no milk. I think he ended up choking on the cookies and then went to heaven. Seriously, youtube it. It’s a crazy commercial probably banned in 15 countries. I mean even as a kid watching it, i’m thinking to myself, “Can they show this on tv?” The nineties were a whole different world.

Now where was I? Oh yes, milk is the best! It is so much better than drinking water or drinking butter. I literally could drink it all day if I couId. I have never tried the drinking a gallon of milk challenge, but I think I could do it. If I had a whole box of Oreos to go alongside it. Nothing is better than oreos and milk. I mean nothing at all.

NOTHING!

Well on that note, I think I made myself thirsty. I guess it’s time I go down and grab a tall glass of whole milk.

Now. don’t look at me weird because I drink whole milk. It’s the perfection in a glass.

Before I go, I’ll leave you with some words of wisdom from the coolest milk drinker ever.

“ I see you're drinking 1%. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? 'Cause you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.” - Napoleon Dynamite

Cheers,

Rex Felixx

It's okay bro.

I love onions but they don’t love me.

Whenever I am shopping at the store, I go to the onions and say “hello there Mr. Onion, would you want to come with me to your forever home?”

The onions never respond , but I end up taking them and bringing them home anyways.

Onions are the silent type, they won’t talk to me or even joke around.

They are ungrateful, I give them shelter, a place to live and to grow in my cupboards. I clean them and let them watch “Real Housewives of Omaha” every Tuesday night. (even though they are much too young) I don’t think they appreciate the love and care I give to them.

One day I was getting ready to make some homemade Blooming Onions and needed to use one of my precious onion friends. So I asked if it would be okay to use their help for a little bit.

No response. ( I figured they were being moody)

I asked again.

Sadly, no response again.

I figured it was okay, being that we were besties. I started to give the onions little trim and then that onion lost it. He went crazy!!!!

He started bullying me so much, that I started to cry.

Not just cry, but I balled my eyes out over his words.

I just ignored it and kept creating my favorite appetizer dish.

Tears kept running down my face from the hurtful words he spoke to me.

20 mins later the tears stopped and I had a glorious blooming onion dish

to show all the other onions.

Sad to say they weren’t impressed, they didn’t even give me a high five or a handshake for my accomplishment.

I think next time, I am going to think twice before I let these ungrateful onions come back into my home.

No more tears, just cheers,

Rex Felixx

P.S. blooming onions are better than onion petals.

New Year same you...

Hey another year is down and another is soon to start. I am so incredibly thankful for everything that has happened this year. I know everyone is looking forward to all their life’s changes in the new year. I’ll address that later but first I want to talk about the past year.

This past year was the worst year ever and also the most amazing year ever!!!!

I almost lost my job right before my wife was to give birth to our first child. The stresses that it caused and the negative energy I must’ve had was terrible. I am so thankful for that experience however, because it helped me realize life isn’t about your career or all the extra stuff in your life. The more we have the more stress it seems we take on and clutter we live with. I’m not anti-success or careers but you need to keep it in perspective. Ebenezer Scrooge had all the money in the world and was the most miserable human ever. I don’t want to live like that. Seeing my daughter’s face for the first time made me realize life is to be lived, shared and enjoyed. I am enjoying it so much now. I wake up with a renewed energy just to see her smiling toothless grin.

Enough of the dramatic work stuff, and onto the other awesomeness of this past year. I was able to focus more on my passion of drawing and creating so much art. I got my website up and running with the help of my friend, and I started to open up more about my life through Rex Felixx. Almost every week I have been blogging to go deeper in sharing more about my craft and how I want to change the world through laughter. I also participated in my first artisan show (which made me smile seeing people stop by and say hi and share their love for my craziness/randomness). I think it is important to reflect on the past year before heading full steam into the new year. Acknowledge your failings and faults, but more importantly, your successes. We all will mess up and fail, but don’t dwell on it. Move on and remember: we all screw up. If you can say you’ve never failed, then you aren’t trying hard enough or are lying to yourself.

New Year New Me is such a silly motto to live by every December. We create these ridiculous resolutions and then they fall apart by Febuaraury 1st. Let’s all do ourselves a favor and stop with these New Years resolutions that are too steep for us to partake in. Instead, reflect on your past year and see how many successes we have had, and try in the new year to grow on more successes. I am happy with how my website is growing, but I want to continue to spread the Rex Felixx cheer through the world. That is my goal for next year, to reach more people to inspire them to live a life that is not cookie cutter or bland. I want to see smiling faces everywhere I go and show them it’s okay to be goofy and odd.

In this new year I hope it’s not the same old resolution you have every year that you never succeed at. Take time to reflect on your past so that your future can become the best ever!!!!

Cheers to the New Year!

Rex Felixx

Flocking around

Is it me, or does it seem like so many people are so serious all the time. Everyone has an opinion on this, that or whatever else it is to help them sleep better at night. I think it’s okay to be silly and have fun and take a day off from the serious faces. Sit back and enjoy yourself and goof off, I mean flock off. (hahaha sorry dumb cheesy pun) I could actually go for some cheese. Anyways, we should all lighten up and have fun this week. Maybe even next week have some fun too before the winter winds come and make us all depressed with its cold and frost bite on our faces until March of next year.

Flock off if you like,

Enjoy this time to dance, one last dance.

There will always be sorrow

but save that for tomorrow.

Gracias,

Rex Felixx

I have more corn...

I love corn and corn loves me,

nothing I want more in life

than eating corn under the old oak tree.

However there are some people who don’t eat corn. I mean, I’m not judging, but rather I am disappointed in myself for not explaining the importance of corn. Well, today is your lucky day to realize corn’s potential.

1. Corn tastes good.

2. Corn grows on a farm.

3. Corn is corny.

4. Buttered corn on the cob is great.

5. Popcorn is corn.

6. Okay that’s all the time I have today.

   Remember kids, eat corn all day everyday, and never let your parents lead you astray.

Cheers to Corn,

Rex Felixx

P.S. Margarine is the worst thing in life. I’d bet it’s worse than boiled hotdog water on a warm New Jersey summer day.

P.P.S. If you have a different opinion, let me know…. I’m all ears.

Hi I'm hungry

Bacon and burgers,

Ice cream and frosted flakes desires.

I need it now

I crave it now…

I love food and could literally eat food all day long. It doesn’t matter what it is. Does anybody else eat all the time? Pizza and wings run my life. Hot, medium, mild, plain (not plain I’m not a weirdo) bbq, it doesn’t matter. Living in Buffalo NY we have some of the greatest food ever made. I mean we have to be good at something, since we have to live with about 300 days of winter and 150 days of rain. That gives us all the time to pack on the winter pounds. Haha but seriously back to thefood…

I can eat steak,

chicken,

fried onion rings,

cool whip on top of banana fosters please.

Alright sorry my mind is wandering and I can’t seem to concentrate. I need a frosty and a large fry stat. If anyone is nearby, I’ll be waiting for a text saying my food has arrived.

Peace out,

Rex Felixx

P.S.

Seriously though, I’m waiting by my phone

please send food and extra napkins.

P.S.S

Still here.. Hi… no texts yet…

Pears and icy floats,

are somethings I love most.

Spicy meatballs, Olive garden Breadsticks

and cream cheese with burnt toast.